7 Keys to Successful Online Dating

For many, starting off the new year includes creating new year’s resolutions that are designed to change and elevate their lives in some way. As the saying goes, ‘if you

doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same results!’

And it’s no different when it comes to finding The One – you need to start doing things differently and putting yourself out there in new ways.

So, if this is the year you’ve decided to commit to love, creating a trulymagnetic online dating profile is the perfect place to start, and I have 7 powerful keys to help you out.

Key 1: Make your profile unique and unquestionably YOU!

All too often online dating profiles come across as a ‘vanilla’ copy and paste of someone else’s profile, and so it tells you nothing specific or interesting about the person.

When you’re creating your online profile, it’s so important to showcase the many things that are special and unique about you.

To avoid sounding like a cookie cutter version of other people, use the attract and repel technique.

What you write in your profile should be so specific that it will attract the right person for you, while at the same time repelling the wrong people.

For example, if you’re a single parent or you really love some obscure hobby, then mention those things! Yes, you’ll repel some people, but that’s great news because they’re probably not right for you in any case.

There will be a few select people who’ll see something in your profile that resonates so strongly with them that they’ll feel compelled to meet you!

Key 2: Include your key life values in your profile

If you spend any amount of time on dating apps, you’ll quickly see that most people’s profiles are full of all their different interests and hobbies. And while there’s nothing wrong with that per se, many profiles list the same hobbies (women love yoga and meditation, while men love wakeboarding or heli-skiing), making everyone seem pretty much the same – which is boring!

When we look at the research from Dr. Terri Orbuch on what makes for happy, long-term relationships, we realise that in fact it’s shared key life values and not shared hobbies that keep couples together long term.

So, include some of your important life values in your profile if you want to attract someone with a similar outlook. The moral of the story is, don’t be afraid to let people know what’s important to you!

Key 3: Your own profile is more important than the profiles you match with

Most people don’t know how to create an engaging and inspiring online dating profile that really highlights their great qualities and unique personality.

They usually have mediocre photos at best (think bathroom selfie!) and come across as generic to attract as many people as possible. On average, most profiles are rather poor, which makes it difficult for you to find ones that really inspire you.

However, all hope is not lost!

When you learn what it takes to create an amazing profile for yourself, you’ll start attracting high quality matches. They’ll resonate with you so much, they’ll want to say, “Hey! I’m interested in meeting you.” And they’ll put in the effort to connect with you because they see something special.

Key 4: Understand that we really don’t always know what will make us happy long term

When dating in the real world, we meet all kinds of different people.

Many of them we wouldn’t describe as ‘our type’, but we meet them, talk to them and find out something about them which inspires us to learn more. We don’t necessarily engage with them because we think they could be The One, we simply engage.

Dating apps unfortunately don’t give us much opportunity to meet random people, because they’re set up to find ‘our type’. For this reason, it can often filter out some great potential matches.

What we set as our filters will impact the profiles we’re exposed to.

So, if you’re just setting up your online dating profile, I encourage you to go beyond your ideal match and include people who are less your type in the filter.

And, if you’ve been online dating for a while, go back and adjust your filter parameters to expand those you’re interested in meeting.

At the end of the day, are you 100% sure that someone 1cm shorter or with a BMI 5% higher couldn’t be your ideal partner? If you met a person at a social event would you really be thinking, hmmmm…. maybe they are 1 cm shorter than my ideal?

Key 5: The paradox of choice – the downside of too many choices

Psychologist Barry Shwartz discovered that while we assume more choice will make us happier, the reality is that more choice actually makes us less happy.

We can get so overwhelmed comparing all the options, that in the end we give up trying to find the best and make no choice at all.

When it comes to online dating where you can easily spend hours swiping through hundreds if not thousands of profiles while deciding none of them are what you’re really looking for, too much choice can become your enemy!

I always advise my clients to set a goal for app swiping that will force them to make a choice, while also considering people that aren’t their usual type.

Try going online and only swiping through 20 profiles before you stop. You’ll soon realise, when you limit your choice, you become much more open to different people compared to when you’re looking for the ‘perfect’ match.

Key 6: The goal is to move to IRL ASAP

There’s long been a myth in the online dating world that you need to get to know someone really, really well online before you trust them enough to meet in person.

This has led to many people spending weeks, months, and even years chatting online before they ever agree to meet in person. This is a huge investment of your upfront time and energy, which could all be for nothing when you meet the person and find out they lied about many things on their profile and are not as you expected – hello catfish!

The safest way to use online dating and to avoid scammers who hope that you’ll fall in love without ever meeting them, is to meet in real life (IRL) as quickly as possible.

This may be a face-to-face date if that makes sense. But as a minimum, I always recommend a telephone call or video chat as quickly as possible after connecting with someone on a dating app. You can learn more about a person in 5 minutes on a phone call, than you can in 5 weeks of online chatting.

Key 7: The 3-date rule

Given that online dates are so easy to organise, and if it doesn’t work out there are many more people to match with, online dating has developed into a bit of an assembly line.

It goes like this: I’ll give you one hour of my time over coffee or a drink to impress me. If you don’t succeed, then NEXT!

While this approach is perceived to be highly efficient it is, in fact, really counterproductive.

Let’s be real, it’s virtually impossible to know within one hour if someone would make a great life partner.

Online dating is great at creating first dates, but very poor at creating second ones. It relies on the love at first sight principle, which we know from research is a major exception and not the rule.

For this reason, I always say date someone 3 times before you decide either way.

This assumes of course that there are no major red flags or dealbreakers which come up on the first date. By giving someone 3 chances rather than one, you’ll be more likely to avoid passing up a great potential partner who was simply nervous or hasn’t dated that much and is just a bit rusty.

So, there you have them, my 7 keys that will help you to stand out from the crowd of vanilla dating profiles, and start finding great quality matches in no time.

If you’ve decided that this is the year you want to meet The One, and you’d like to find out how I can help you, please book a free, no-obligation Breakthrough Coaching Call. On this call we’ll discuss what has been standing in your way of finding love and the ways that Dating Coaching can help you create the love life of your dreams.

CLICK HERE to book your call – I can’t wait to speak with you!