The 3 Key Steps to Finding Love
When it comes to finding love, you’ll often hear people talking about having a dating strategy or dating tactics.
Often this is the first place where most people want to focus their attention, believing that if they start here, they’ll improve their dating life. And I totally get that way of thinking because that’s what I did too.
If you’re anything like I was, you’ve likely been spending hours trying to up your game and work out things like:
The best ways to meet people
How to introduce yourself
Where to go for first dates
How to manage your nerves
What should you say in texts
If your body language is ok
And the list goes on!
1. It’s time to Stop putting the cart before the horse!
I remember when I first got back into dating, I would memorise scripts of what to say to people! I also got help with what to wear and how to stand, and anything else that I thought would give me an advantage when it came to dating tactics.
Now to be clear, all these things I’ve mentioned are not bad per se. But realistically, even if you could master all the dating tactics out there to the very highest level, you’d still likely struggle in the dating world because you’re putting the cart before the horse.
You see, all these tactics are way less important than most dating gurus would have you believe, because, let’s face it, those are the things they’re selling to you! To prove my point, I did a quick search on YouTube by entering: how to date – I kid you not it turned up over 146 million results!! Talk about heading off down a totally overwhelming rabbit hole!
When it comes to finding love, every person you listen to is going to tell you something different – do this, don’t do that, say this, never say that! Everyone contradicts each other and crazily some even contradict themselves! And as the innocent bystander you’re just left feeling more confused, unsure, and unconfident about dating then ever before.
2. It’s time to be YOU!
What I’ve learned through my work, and this is backed up by science and research, is that when you let go of all your baggage from the past, and you work on becoming your true, authentic self, you can’t really mess up dating.
You see, when you’re connecting with others from a place of authenticity, you don’t need to think through all the scenarios, or ask yourself if you should be using script A or script B. You just get to be YOU! And from this place you’ll absolutely attract the right person who’s perfect for you.
If you’re trying to be a carbon copy of someone else, and simply acting out lessons from some dating guru, on some level people will feel that. But when you drop the mask and are 100% authentic, your perfect match will be drawn to you because they feel a strong resonance with who you are.
I know we hear this advice all the time, to be yourself, but nine times out of ten no one takes the next step and shows you how to do it!
So, let’s look at the how together.
3. How to be yourself on a date
We start with the bigger question in all of this, which is – who am I? And this is where the first two key steps of my process come into the picture.
Who you really are is the person that’s underneath all the hurt, pain, trauma, unmet expectations, failed relationships, negative beliefs, and so on. When you work on letting go of all this stuff the true, authentic you emerges. You get to be the real version of yourself, not the person who’s living fearfully behind a wall. When you show up as you truly are, you give others the opportunity to really connect with you. I’m pretty sure we can all agree that it isn’t fun when you fall in love with the mask of someone, only to realise a few months or even years into the relationship that they were just putting on a show!
I so strongly believe that the key elements to finding The One must absolutely start with you letting go, and then becoming The One that you want to be. This is not about pretending or faking it until you make it! I’m talking truly becoming the person that you are meant to be, and that you want to be. The person who has confidence, self-belief, is clear on what they want, and knows where they’re going in life and the kind of life that they want to build for themselves – now that is hot!
Once you’ve got all these pieces figured out and you meet the right person, you have a great foundation to build from. Now you can focus on the third key step, which is creating trust between you, because you aren’t carrying all the emotional baggage from your past into your new relationship. When the mask is gone, the inauthenticity has been cleared away, and you can finally become vulnerable, then you can build real intimacy with a partner.
I believe that trust comes from intimacy. Why? Because intimacy means, ‘into-me-you-see’, and when you’re willing to be fully vulnerable with someone, you allow them to see the truth of who you are, and that is the basis for building trust.
A lack of trust comes when we put up walls so we can hide and protect ourselves. But the other person has no idea what’s behind the wall, so they wait, and they wait to finally meet you. But if you haven’t done the work, it can be incredibly hard for you to step out and show yourself and creating that deep connection with another becomes almost impossible to achieve.
So, those are my three keys steps to finding love. I hope this has been helpful and you can see that taking the time to meet the real you and be The One for yourself first, is going to open the pathway to finding a partner that is absolutely made for you.
You deserve to find The One and if you’d like to find out how I can help you, please book a free, no-obligation Breakthrough Coaching Call. On this call we’ll discuss what’s been standing in your way of finding love and the ways that Dating Coaching can help you create the love life of your dreams.
CLICK HERE to book your call – I can’t wait to speak with you!