The Path to Lasting Relationships: The 5+2 Dating Blueprint
Like anything worth having, the path to finding The One and creating a lasting, loving relationship, takes conscious effort and a willingness to show up and do the work.
In my last blog ‘The 3 Key Steps to Finding Love’, we looked at the starting point for this journey. Today we’ll be taking the next step and looking at your Five Plus Two Dating Blueprint, which will be a game changer for your dating experience.
Letting go
To create your authentic blueprint, you first need to let go of all the old beliefs you’re carrying around that no longer serve you.
When you really take the time to look honestly at your beliefs, it’s quite incredible just how many of them will have been carried through from your childhood or have come from other peoples’ expectations and desires for you.
It’s crucial to allow yourself to let go of everything that’s outdated and holding you back. You need to align your beliefs with not only who you are right now, but who you want to be in the future. It is also important to reconnect with your own life vision – that vision you had when you were a kid.
What you dreamt of creating for yourself. What you wished you had the courage to try and those parts of you that you may have lost touch with along the way.
Becoming The One
To create a blueprint that will help you truly find The One, you first need to become The One, and get super clear on your own key life values, what drives you, and what you need in a partner.
Key life values are so much deeper than honesty, integrity, loyalty, and commitment – in my opinion, these are just the basic entry level values for every relationship. And if someone isn’t stepping forward and meeting you where you are with these values, I’d seriously recommend that you move on!
You also need to understand your attachment style and work through any fears, like your partner leaving or cheating on you, or why you start to feel suffocated in a relationship and want to run.
Dating Strategy
Once you’ve taken care of these first two areas, focusing on a dating strategy becomes super easy!
Once you understand how you want to show up in the world, you then get to choose a dating method that suits you. I recommend include the three main strategies, passive dating, active dating, and online dating. This will give you the greatest opportunity to meet people and you won’t risk burning out by only focusing on online dating.
The rest is about creating a deep connection with the person you choose, and learning about polarity, love languages, chemistry, sexuality, and moving your new relationship towards commitment. And when it comes to commitment, I encourage you to consciously decide to commit to your partner and not simply slide into commitment because it seems like the logical thing to do.
Andrea's Journey
My client Andrea's experience illustrates the power of this approach. We’ve been working together for just over a year, and around 60-days after we began, she started a new relationship.
Initially Andrea was like so many people who come to me saying they “just want the good stuff” – the tips and tricks of the dating strategy piece.
However, she soon learned that it was understanding herself and her desires that laid the foundation for her success. As a result, she found love like never before and is now getting ready to move in with her partner and take their relationship to the next level.
Understanding Key Life Values
According to Dr. Terri Orbuch – sociology professor at Oakland University and also well known as The Love Doctor – key life values are the aspects of life that are most important to you. They form your map of the world and include your beliefs about topics like, sex before marriage, education, living environment, how many children you want, do you want to get married, etc.
There are potentially hundreds, if not thousands of these questions to consider when you’re putting your map of the world together.
Aligning with your partner on these values goes a long way to reducing conflict, because you both share the same perspective. While of course disagreements are still going to happen (you’re human after all), there'll be no need to compromise on your core values, which could lead to resentment over time.
It’s important to understand that it’s the similarities in key life values that create long-term relationships. So, it’s time to let go of the myth that opposites attract (for magnets yes, but for humans…no!). Science has proven time and again that it doesn’t work this way in relationships.
The Five Plus Two Dating Blueprint
Now, I mentioned before there could potentially be thousands of questions to ask in the dating process! The good news though is that you don’t have to wade through them all, because my Five Plus Two Dating Blueprint will take care of the lion’s share for you.
Your Dating Blueprint is your top five key life values, plus your two deal-breakers. And that’s all you really need! When you know your top five values that you must live to feel happy and fulfilled, and you’re able to live those in your relationship, then you can be much more open to compromising in areas that are less important to you.
So, when you go on a first date, aim to discover if that person shares one or two of your key life values and if they hit any of your deal-breakers. For example, if you meet someone and they don’t share your values about living in the city, and that’s a deal breaker for you, then you know you don’t need to date them again. On the other hand, if you know that living in the city or the country isn’t that important to you and you could be happy in either place, and the other person feels very strongly about one or the other, then that’s a place you can compromise.
This knowledge completely flips the script from, how do I get this person to like me, too, does this person match what I’m looking for and do I like them? This is a far more empowering position to be in and gives you confidence in dating so that you become the chooser, rather than the chosen.
Lisa's Transformation
When my client, Lisa, learned about the Five Plus Two, she said it became fundamental in her new approach to dating. So much so that she added it to the front of her planner so she could see it every single day and be reminded of what she was looking for.
When we first started working together, Lisa shared that she would never date a local man. She wanted someone international because she believed they’d be more open minded and worldly. Near the end of the 90-day program, Lisa started online dating and met two great local men who matched her Five Plus Two Blueprint. She said that without this she would have overlooked them and would likely be in another going-nowhere long-distance relationship.
When you bring all these pieces together: the three key areas, along with your key life values and the Five Plus Two Dating Blueprint, you create a strong foundation for a successful, lasting relationship. Then you can confidently navigate the dating world and find a partner who truly complements your life vision.
If you’d like support and guidance on your dating journey I’m here to help, so please book in for a free, no-obligation Breakthrough Coaching Call. Together we’ll discuss what’s been getting in the way of you finding The One, and ways that Dating Coaching can help you find the amazing love you deserve.
CLICK HERE to book your call – I’m excited to speak with you!