Are You Making This Dating Mistake?
One of the things I have learned about dating, is there are some common mistakes that most people make.
Let's take my Matchmaking client Cyril. Last Saturday he was on a date and on Monday we had a call and I asked him how his date went.
His reply..."it wasn't a date, it was a meeting".
Huh?
"Ok" I asked "well how did it go?"
"Like all my dates! She was beautiful, sweet, we talked a lot but there was no spark. Once again, I landed in the friend-zone".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "it wasn't a date, it was a meeting".
He told me, that he likes to think of them as meetings because when he considers them a date he gets nervous. He also get's his hopes up and then he's disappointed when it doesn't work out and he gets friend-zoned, again.
"Well of course you will end up in the friend-zone" I said to him.
In a business meeting, you make small talk, talk about the weather and current events. You certainly don't bring up personal, intimate topics for discussion.
On a date though, this is exactly what you need to do. You need to be vulnerable to create intimacy.
You need to be able to open up to someone new, to show them who you are at your core.
(side note: If you haven't had the chance to listen to my podcast on vulnerability yet I recommend you do so)
Think of intimacy as (in-to-me-you-see).
When you are vulnerable with someone, you make them feel trusted and special.
These two feelings are part of what create attraction, or the "spark" that everyone is looking for.
The spark, or chemistry, is what happens AFTER you feel a connection with someone and you want to learn more about them.
Chemistry that comes before the connection is what we refer to as "love at first sight" and it is the exception, not the rule.
So if you are approaching your dating life like any other meeting, and are hoping that you can jump to chemistry without building a connection first, it's time to stop making this mistake.
If you are tired of feeling like you might spend the rest of your life alone and are ready to do something about it then let’s have a chat. You can schedule a complementary 15 min. laser coaching session with me below.
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